Friday, August 6, 2010

How I got where I am today... Part 2 - Quick story of my mom

Here is Part 2...Quick story of my mom:






My mom was my best friend. She was such an amazing person. She always knew the right things to say and how to make me laugh and feel better no matter the situation. She had an alcohol problem. She drank... a lot. I was still rather young and really didn't understand everything.Almost every Christmas she would drink herself sick because she couldn't handle the stress. My dad had to take to the emergency room just about every year. I don't understand it, nor do I think I ever will. Needless to say all of her drinking caught up to her. She developed a cist on her pancrese. Doctors drained it. She developed Diabetes. I was her little nurse. I was constantly taking care of her. She was my mommy and I had to help her because I needed her. About a year later the cist came back. (Now, I don't know how true this information is, but this is what I remeber what happened. Honetstly, I have no idea really. I don't have too many people willing to talk about it that really knows what happened. So here is my version.) The doctors decided to go in and remove it rather than drain it. From my understanding, the surgery went just fine, it was in recovery where it got rough. She had the surgery on Monday. While in recovery, she was having trouble breathing and they had to put her on oxygen, she developed pnenouma. Thurday night we went up there to see her. I really hat myself for this, but I spend the entire evening sitting on the empty bed in her room watching TV. I thought it was so awesome because they had cable. We left, I gave her a hug and a kiss and told her I loved her and we went home. Friday, I went to school like normal. I remember standing in line for lunch and from some reason had a random thought and asked myself, "What would life be like if Mom wasn't around?" Then I thought well that's a stupid question, why am I thinking that. So I went about my day and when I got home, I walked in the house and somethin didn't feel right. I checked the messages and there were a few from my aunt Lori and a few from my uncle Stanton asking us to call the hospital when we got home. My brother was still at school, I got earlier on Fridays. I got a hold of my aunt, she told me she was coming to get me. She picked my up and we picked my brother up from the High School and headed to the hospital. The whole time there was something erie about everthing, but no one was really saying anything. We got into the elevator and went up, the doors opened, my dad was standing there. We started walking down the hall. My dad was telling us what had happened that day with Mom. "She was struggling to breathe, they tried to everyhing they could to help her. I told her it wasn't in her cards today to leave. But it wasn't enough. She didn't make it." I crumpled to the floor sobbing. My mommy had died on Friday, May 7, 1999 around 12:30pm. From that very moment on, my life would never ever be remotely close to the same.




 Part 3 coming up.

How I got where I am today... Part 1

For those of you that may or may not know me too well, I figure I would briefly tell you how I have seen my life thus far. Be warned, it will be very long. Some area will be detailed more than other, but I will do my best.

I was born on Wednesday, March 12, 1986 in the Sweet Water County Hospital in Rock Springs Wyoming. My parents are Keith and Selena and my brother is Richard. As one can assume I don't remember anything about this time, but from what I can see from pictures, I was a pretty happy and awesome baby. When I was around 2 or so we moved from Wyoming to California. I don't remember exactly where, but it was cozy. I remember have all kinds of trees and eating fresh avocado. About a year later we moved to Utah.

What I remember about moving is my aunt Claudine and Grandma Miller coming to pick up my brother and I and take us back to Utah while my parents packed up and moved. I remember my parents sending us a letter and picture while they were moving. I also remember sitting my grandparent's living room with the whole family (aunts, uncles, grandparents, and minus  my parents), and everyone was upset. My uncle Stanton kept yelling, "That's not fair!" To this day I have no idea what exactly everyone was upset about. Later in my life I found out the reason my brother and I went to stay with my grandparent was because my mom was checked into a rehab center for her alcohol abuse. Still haven't been able to find out the real story or all the details. I hope I am able to someday.

So once my parents got everything packed up, they joined us in Utah. We lived at my grandparent's house for a few months. We then moved to a place called Wendell Circle. I have no idea what city it's in, I only remember that. I remember my brother and I shared a room and it was a tiny house. My brother got hit in the face with an aluminum baseball at there. I remember my mom freaking out and driving around trying to decide if we should go to the doctors or not. I don't remember if we ever did. He's totally fine now.

After the circle, we moved into a duplex in Midvale on Ivy Drive. This place was all around bad. Good memories were made, but a lot of bad things happened here. (I could go into a lot and I mean A LOT of detail here, but I might save that for another day.)

At this point I am around 7 years old I believe. My dad starts to build us a house in West Valley City. He literally built the majority of that house. I don't remember how long it took, but the family helped the best we could. I painted the kitchen walls! I remeber it was finshed around Christmas time. My dad put a small Christmas Tree on the swap cooler box and the house was our Christmas present. (I am pretty sure we got other thing too.) We moved into the house in January of 1994. I started 2nd grade at Hillside Elementary just after Winter break ended. Life in this house wasn't divine. We have issues, we had trials, we had struggles, but one thing there was a TON of was Love. We were a very close family. We had dinner together every night, we talked about each other's days, we worked on homework. It was everything I had ever hoped it would be. 

Stay tuned for Part 2

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Would you rather be really hot or really cold?

I totally vote for cold. You can always put more on, but you can only take so much off.

Ask me anything

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

This Is Where I Belong

At this very moment in time I am feeling really lost. I don't know who I am suppose to be, what I am suppose to be doing and I sure as hell don't know what tomorrow will bring. I do know that for the most part I am happy. I am grateful to have a roof over my head, food to eat, a job, clothes on my back and all the other things we all take for grante.

Am I suppose to where I am right now? Yes. Fate, destiny or whatever you call it has brought me here and will continue me on my journey. I was told yesterday that I was the best thing that could have happened to Travis and Valory. And that I can't go anywhere. That was the more rewarding statement I have ever heard. That's all I have ever wanted to do with my life is to make a difference in someone else's.

Being a "Step-Mom" certainly isn't the easyest job in the world. But in my heart I know I am doing what I should. There are so many days that I would love to just run away and tell Travis to figure it out himself, but I know in my heart I can't. That little girl needs me and in a way I need her. She entered my life for a reason, just like everyone does.

I am happy.

Monday, July 12, 2010

Do you believe there's intelligent life on other planets?

I believe there has to other life out there. There is no telling how far space goes. There is no reason there isn'. So yes I do.

Ask me anything

What do you want or hope for most this coming month?

In the month of July...... I would like to spend some real quality time with my honey. I would like to devote some time to the following, blogging, working out, cleaning more, and budgeting better.

Ask me anything

Monday, June 7, 2010

If you could go back to any moment in your personal history and change something where, when and why?

The first thing that came to mind it the last time I saw my mom alive, May 6, 1999. We were at the hospital visiting her and I was so excited that they had cable. So the entire evening I sat in the empty bed in her room watching tv. I should have been talking to her, spending time with her, cuddling her, and tell her how much I love her, but I didn't. I watched stupid cable.

Ask me anything