When Mom died, life sure took a turn for the worse. I took over the roll of the mom and did my best to take care of my dad and brother. I was 13 year old, I was in 7th grade, I had no idea what I was doing or what was going to happen. I think I might have blocked a lot of this time out. I remember going back to school that Monday and pretending nothing happened. I didn't know how to act. I didn't tell anyone what happened. I didn't know how to bring it up. It's not like you can just say, "Hey so, my mom died. Did you study for your history test?" I did the only think I knew how to do, I acted normal. I acted like I did the week before.
My dad pulled me out early on Monday to make arrangements for the funeral. When he was waiting for me to meet him in the office, he informed my school counselor what had happened. My counselor then told all of my teachers and then everyone started finding out. School kind of was weird for a while. Strangers would come up and tell me they were sorry for my loss and blah blah blah. I really didn't know how to react. So I was polite and thanked them. As time when on life seemed to be getting back in to a groove. I remember laughing with my friends and thinking.... Should I be laughing? I am supposed to be sad. I felt kind of guilty. But soon I realized that my mom wouldn't want me to be this way. She would want me to make the most of my life and do everything I can to have the best life possible.
This is where life changed again.... many ups and downs, goods and bads.
The Summer on 1999, happened in a blur. There is much bad that happened throughout the next 7 years that I would like to skip over it for now. I imagine I will go back to it someday, because it has a lot to do with who I am today. Let's just say for the most part my life was hell. Now don't get me wrong, not everything was horrible. I would say a good 90% was.
I will give you a quick briefing of those 7 years. Neighbor lady, Cheryl (who had a daughter, Shari, that I was friends with), came down, as she puts it, check on my brother and I. She live across the street and up 2 houses. Her and my dad started talking and became friends. Long story short, 9 months later that's January1, 2000 Dad married Cheryl. I was heartbroken. I know the only reason he did it was because he couldn't be alone. She refused to live in our house because she thought it would be weird for us to see all her stuff where my mom's stuff used to be. So we began to pack up out things and move them up the street. Her house has 3 bedrooms, she had one, Shari had one and the other was empty. There was a debate over who would get the spare bedroom and who would have a makeshift room out of the living room. I said I should get the room because Richard was almost 18 and would be moving out soon, but they disagreed. I got the makeshift room with a Styrofoam wall and he got the bedroom. Life went from going and doing whatever we wanted to hardcore rules. Richard didn't have the easiest time with that, so shortly after we moved in, his stuff was put in garbage bags and put on the front lawn. He moved in with my Grandma Miller (Mom's mom). A normal person would have me move into the bedroom and turn the makeshift room back into a living, but not in this house. That bedroom was turned into the spare room a.k.a. Dad's room. Yup they didn't always sleep in the same room. So, those next years, I lived in a really tiny room, rarely got to talk or see my brother or my Mom's side of the family.
So, finally bringing me to the begining of March 2006. My friend Sean, who I worked with at Marie Callendar's, decided to find an apartment together. No, we were not a couple, we were no more than friends. We found a cozy 2 bedroom apartment we could afford and we set at date for move in. I was terrified to tell my parents. I had no idea how to it, they were scary people. So I wrote them a note. I express best with text. Well, needless to say, I was right, they didn't take it well.
Stay tuned! Part 4 next
(Wonder how many parts this is gonna make. LOL!)
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Friday, August 6, 2010
How I got where I am today... Part 2 - Quick story of my mom
Here is Part 2...Quick story of my mom:
My mom was my best friend. She was such an amazing person. She always knew the right things to say and how to make me laugh and feel better no matter the situation. She had an alcohol problem. She drank... a lot. I was still rather young and really didn't understand everything.Almost every Christmas she would drink herself sick because she couldn't handle the stress. My dad had to take to the emergency room just about every year. I don't understand it, nor do I think I ever will. Needless to say all of her drinking caught up to her. She developed a cist on her pancrese. Doctors drained it. She developed Diabetes. I was her little nurse. I was constantly taking care of her. She was my mommy and I had to help her because I needed her. About a year later the cist came back. (Now, I don't know how true this information is, but this is what I remeber what happened. Honetstly, I have no idea really. I don't have too many people willing to talk about it that really knows what happened. So here is my version.) The doctors decided to go in and remove it rather than drain it. From my understanding, the surgery went just fine, it was in recovery where it got rough. She had the surgery on Monday. While in recovery, she was having trouble breathing and they had to put her on oxygen, she developed pnenouma. Thurday night we went up there to see her. I really hat myself for this, but I spend the entire evening sitting on the empty bed in her room watching TV. I thought it was so awesome because they had cable. We left, I gave her a hug and a kiss and told her I loved her and we went home. Friday, I went to school like normal. I remember standing in line for lunch and from some reason had a random thought and asked myself, "What would life be like if Mom wasn't around?" Then I thought well that's a stupid question, why am I thinking that. So I went about my day and when I got home, I walked in the house and somethin didn't feel right. I checked the messages and there were a few from my aunt Lori and a few from my uncle Stanton asking us to call the hospital when we got home. My brother was still at school, I got earlier on Fridays. I got a hold of my aunt, she told me she was coming to get me. She picked my up and we picked my brother up from the High School and headed to the hospital. The whole time there was something erie about everthing, but no one was really saying anything. We got into the elevator and went up, the doors opened, my dad was standing there. We started walking down the hall. My dad was telling us what had happened that day with Mom. "She was struggling to breathe, they tried to everyhing they could to help her. I told her it wasn't in her cards today to leave. But it wasn't enough. She didn't make it." I crumpled to the floor sobbing. My mommy had died on Friday, May 7, 1999 around 12:30pm. From that very moment on, my life would never ever be remotely close to the same.
Part 3 coming up.
My mom was my best friend. She was such an amazing person. She always knew the right things to say and how to make me laugh and feel better no matter the situation. She had an alcohol problem. She drank... a lot. I was still rather young and really didn't understand everything.Almost every Christmas she would drink herself sick because she couldn't handle the stress. My dad had to take to the emergency room just about every year. I don't understand it, nor do I think I ever will. Needless to say all of her drinking caught up to her. She developed a cist on her pancrese. Doctors drained it. She developed Diabetes. I was her little nurse. I was constantly taking care of her. She was my mommy and I had to help her because I needed her. About a year later the cist came back. (Now, I don't know how true this information is, but this is what I remeber what happened. Honetstly, I have no idea really. I don't have too many people willing to talk about it that really knows what happened. So here is my version.) The doctors decided to go in and remove it rather than drain it. From my understanding, the surgery went just fine, it was in recovery where it got rough. She had the surgery on Monday. While in recovery, she was having trouble breathing and they had to put her on oxygen, she developed pnenouma. Thurday night we went up there to see her. I really hat myself for this, but I spend the entire evening sitting on the empty bed in her room watching TV. I thought it was so awesome because they had cable. We left, I gave her a hug and a kiss and told her I loved her and we went home. Friday, I went to school like normal. I remember standing in line for lunch and from some reason had a random thought and asked myself, "What would life be like if Mom wasn't around?" Then I thought well that's a stupid question, why am I thinking that. So I went about my day and when I got home, I walked in the house and somethin didn't feel right. I checked the messages and there were a few from my aunt Lori and a few from my uncle Stanton asking us to call the hospital when we got home. My brother was still at school, I got earlier on Fridays. I got a hold of my aunt, she told me she was coming to get me. She picked my up and we picked my brother up from the High School and headed to the hospital. The whole time there was something erie about everthing, but no one was really saying anything. We got into the elevator and went up, the doors opened, my dad was standing there. We started walking down the hall. My dad was telling us what had happened that day with Mom. "She was struggling to breathe, they tried to everyhing they could to help her. I told her it wasn't in her cards today to leave. But it wasn't enough. She didn't make it." I crumpled to the floor sobbing. My mommy had died on Friday, May 7, 1999 around 12:30pm. From that very moment on, my life would never ever be remotely close to the same.
How I got where I am today... Part 1
For those of you that may or may not know me too well, I figure I would briefly tell you how I have seen my life thus far. Be warned, it will be very long. Some area will be detailed more than other, but I will do my best.
I was born on Wednesday, March 12, 1986 in the Sweet Water County Hospital in Rock Springs Wyoming. My parents are Keith and Selena and my brother is Richard. As one can assume I don't remember anything about this time, but from what I can see from pictures, I was a pretty happy and awesome baby. When I was around 2 or so we moved from Wyoming to California. I don't remember exactly where, but it was cozy. I remember have all kinds of trees and eating fresh avocado. About a year later we moved to Utah.
What I remember about moving is my aunt Claudine and Grandma Miller coming to pick up my brother and I and take us back to Utah while my parents packed up and moved. I remember my parents sending us a letter and picture while they were moving. I also remember sitting my grandparent's living room with the whole family (aunts, uncles, grandparents, and minus my parents), and everyone was upset. My uncle Stanton kept yelling, "That's not fair!" To this day I have no idea what exactly everyone was upset about. Later in my life I found out the reason my brother and I went to stay with my grandparent was because my mom was checked into a rehab center for her alcohol abuse. Still haven't been able to find out the real story or all the details. I hope I am able to someday.
So once my parents got everything packed up, they joined us in Utah. We lived at my grandparent's house for a few months. We then moved to a place called Wendell Circle. I have no idea what city it's in, I only remember that. I remember my brother and I shared a room and it was a tiny house. My brother got hit in the face with an aluminum baseball at there. I remember my mom freaking out and driving around trying to decide if we should go to the doctors or not. I don't remember if we ever did. He's totally fine now.
After the circle, we moved into a duplex in Midvale on Ivy Drive. This place was all around bad. Good memories were made, but a lot of bad things happened here. (I could go into a lot and I mean A LOT of detail here, but I might save that for another day.)
At this point I am around 7 years old I believe. My dad starts to build us a house in West Valley City. He literally built the majority of that house. I don't remember how long it took, but the family helped the best we could. I painted the kitchen walls! I remeber it was finshed around Christmas time. My dad put a small Christmas Tree on the swap cooler box and the house was our Christmas present. (I am pretty sure we got other thing too.) We moved into the house in January of 1994. I started 2nd grade at Hillside Elementary just after Winter break ended. Life in this house wasn't divine. We have issues, we had trials, we had struggles, but one thing there was a TON of was Love. We were a very close family. We had dinner together every night, we talked about each other's days, we worked on homework. It was everything I had ever hoped it would be.
Stay tuned for Part 2
I was born on Wednesday, March 12, 1986 in the Sweet Water County Hospital in Rock Springs Wyoming. My parents are Keith and Selena and my brother is Richard. As one can assume I don't remember anything about this time, but from what I can see from pictures, I was a pretty happy and awesome baby. When I was around 2 or so we moved from Wyoming to California. I don't remember exactly where, but it was cozy. I remember have all kinds of trees and eating fresh avocado. About a year later we moved to Utah.
What I remember about moving is my aunt Claudine and Grandma Miller coming to pick up my brother and I and take us back to Utah while my parents packed up and moved. I remember my parents sending us a letter and picture while they were moving. I also remember sitting my grandparent's living room with the whole family (aunts, uncles, grandparents, and minus my parents), and everyone was upset. My uncle Stanton kept yelling, "That's not fair!" To this day I have no idea what exactly everyone was upset about. Later in my life I found out the reason my brother and I went to stay with my grandparent was because my mom was checked into a rehab center for her alcohol abuse. Still haven't been able to find out the real story or all the details. I hope I am able to someday.
So once my parents got everything packed up, they joined us in Utah. We lived at my grandparent's house for a few months. We then moved to a place called Wendell Circle. I have no idea what city it's in, I only remember that. I remember my brother and I shared a room and it was a tiny house. My brother got hit in the face with an aluminum baseball at there. I remember my mom freaking out and driving around trying to decide if we should go to the doctors or not. I don't remember if we ever did. He's totally fine now.
After the circle, we moved into a duplex in Midvale on Ivy Drive. This place was all around bad. Good memories were made, but a lot of bad things happened here. (I could go into a lot and I mean A LOT of detail here, but I might save that for another day.)
At this point I am around 7 years old I believe. My dad starts to build us a house in West Valley City. He literally built the majority of that house. I don't remember how long it took, but the family helped the best we could. I painted the kitchen walls! I remeber it was finshed around Christmas time. My dad put a small Christmas Tree on the swap cooler box and the house was our Christmas present. (I am pretty sure we got other thing too.) We moved into the house in January of 1994. I started 2nd grade at Hillside Elementary just after Winter break ended. Life in this house wasn't divine. We have issues, we had trials, we had struggles, but one thing there was a TON of was Love. We were a very close family. We had dinner together every night, we talked about each other's days, we worked on homework. It was everything I had ever hoped it would be.
Stay tuned for Part 2
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Would you rather be really hot or really cold?
I totally vote for cold. You can always put more on, but you can only take so much off.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
This Is Where I Belong
At this very moment in time I am feeling really lost. I don't know who I am suppose to be, what I am suppose to be doing and I sure as hell don't know what tomorrow will bring. I do know that for the most part I am happy. I am grateful to have a roof over my head, food to eat, a job, clothes on my back and all the other things we all take for grante.
Am I suppose to where I am right now? Yes. Fate, destiny or whatever you call it has brought me here and will continue me on my journey. I was told yesterday that I was the best thing that could have happened to Travis and Valory. And that I can't go anywhere. That was the more rewarding statement I have ever heard. That's all I have ever wanted to do with my life is to make a difference in someone else's.
Being a "Step-Mom" certainly isn't the easyest job in the world. But in my heart I know I am doing what I should. There are so many days that I would love to just run away and tell Travis to figure it out himself, but I know in my heart I can't. That little girl needs me and in a way I need her. She entered my life for a reason, just like everyone does.
I am happy.
Am I suppose to where I am right now? Yes. Fate, destiny or whatever you call it has brought me here and will continue me on my journey. I was told yesterday that I was the best thing that could have happened to Travis and Valory. And that I can't go anywhere. That was the more rewarding statement I have ever heard. That's all I have ever wanted to do with my life is to make a difference in someone else's.
Being a "Step-Mom" certainly isn't the easyest job in the world. But in my heart I know I am doing what I should. There are so many days that I would love to just run away and tell Travis to figure it out himself, but I know in my heart I can't. That little girl needs me and in a way I need her. She entered my life for a reason, just like everyone does.
I am happy.
Monday, July 12, 2010
Do you believe there's intelligent life on other planets?
I believe there has to other life out there. There is no telling how far space goes. There is no reason there isn'. So yes I do.
What do you want or hope for most this coming month?
In the month of July...... I would like to spend some real quality time with my honey. I would like to devote some time to the following, blogging, working out, cleaning more, and budgeting better.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)