2012 Is Happening Now

Well, the new year has begun and I never achieved anything I had set out to do last year. I don't consider myself a failure, it just means that I need to try harder this year. Yes, I am going to the steriotypical goals this year; live healthier (a.k.a. lose weight), get my finances in order, and maybe get some schooling in. Blah blah blah you know the rest of how all this goes. I will try and be better at keeping things updated around here too.

Here Comes the Holidays

So I just typed this big long blah blah blah about how weird, yet great, it was this Thanksgiving without my family and a lot more blah blah blah about all the issues that are going between us. I deleted it. Why did I delete you ask? Well.... because it's not worth it.

I made a little turkey dinner here at home. We had Valory for the day so we went to the movies, made dinner, and played Monopoly on the Wii. It was a lot of fun and very relaxing change. I am excited to see what Christmas will bring. I have a ton of shopping to do still, but I have made a decent dent.

Things have been pretty good lately. I was able to buy a new car after the Sentra died. It has been a lot of fun! Money is really tight and stressful, but things are working out. I got a new position at work in the HR department, which came with an okay raise. It's been rough learning all new things and giving up the things I have been doing for the past four year. But all in all it will be great once I will get the hang of it all. This was a pretty lame update. I will try and do better next time.

Thanks for reading! =-)

Life Changing..... Maybe

Boyfriend wants out of Utah as much as a fat kid wants chocolate cake. Last year he decided he was moving to Colorado when our lease was up. Luckily, for me, he started his business and didn't have the money to move. So, we re-signed the lease for another year.

We would love to find a house with a yard for the doggies to run around. We looked into buying one, but because I am a total idiot and I wouldn't be able to qualify on the loan. So as of right this moment we are stuck here, for the moment.

Here is the life changing possibly part. He recently went to a quick trip to Oregon and re-fell in love with the state. He wants to do everything he can to move there next June once our lease ends. The real questions, do I move with him? Does he really want me to go with him? If I do move will we be able to survive there? Will we be able to find a job? What about those that I am leaving behind? I really don't know what to do.

It makes you really look into your relationship. There are endless amounts of questions to be asked and absolutely no one has the answers but you. You really have to do some soul searching and discovering those answers.

I wish it was easier. I wish I could phone a friend and find out what I am suppose to do in life and who and where I am suppose to end up with. Life isn't that hard. No matter what you do it will continue to happen around you with or without you. Pick your path...... I HATE DECISION MAKING.

So much has been going on the last while, yet it seems like nothing. Just normal run of the mill daily life, but overall is has been very busy and almost overwhelming. Where to start….

How about we go with friendship. My so called best friend has pretty much disowned me and would rather hang out with her married, yes he’s married, boyfriend than me. Which there is nothing I can do about, so there’s no sense in being upset about it; but I still am upset. It’s irritating that she blows off me all the time. Doesn’t bother letting me know she isn’t going to make it or eff off or anything. One of my biggest pet peeves, if you don’t want to do something or can’t make it, just be honest with me. Don’t just leave me high and dry and then text me an hour or so later with some dumb excuse. It’s total bs and makes me very irritated.

Okay enough ranting about that. On a happier note about friendship…. Two of my very good friend married on another on Friday, June 10, 2011. Most people would look at our history and wonder how the heck we all can be friends. To be honest, I don’t know, but I do know that it’s just how it’s supposed to be. I wish them the best of the best and know they will have a terrific life together. I am kind of envious of what they have. Someday I
will get there.

I haven’t talked to my parents or my step-sister since mid-March. My dad chose to post a not so awesome comment on Facebook and well, to keep it short, it blew up. As a result, it ruined my relationship with my family. Which overall, I am kind of okay with. I haven’t really felt part of the family in quit some time. They would always do their own thing and never include me. I know they would sum it up to me never wanting to go or me not being able to go, but why would I want to go somewhere when I know I am not

wanted. I think the hardest part is I miss my niece and nephew the most. My nephew is just a baby, but I am missing out on all that fun baby stuff. My niece and I were really close. We spend a lot of time together when she was little. But it’s their choice to said they things they did and I don’t think anything will change until someone apologizes and well, I don’t think it’ll be me because I don’t think I did anything wrong.


Well, blah blah blah. That's all at the moment. Well there is more, but not to share at this time.

Love ya'll!

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Wishes..... Maybe Just in Need of Motivation

So.... I have been thinking a lot about all the changes I wish would take place in my life. There are so many things I would like to do in my life. I feel like I doing life wrong. Hearing about and reading about all these other people's lives and I am so envious! I wish I had talent and creativity to create some of the things they create. I wish I had the money to be able to buy the things I need to have the life I dream about.

I know everyone will just say that my life can be whatever I want it to be and I just need to DO IT! Well, sadly it's so much easier said than done. I wish I had closer family and friends that shared my interests that could help do some of the things I want to do. I want more out life and I just can't seem to be able to find out how to get that more. I feel like I am stuck in this hole and have no tools to climb out.

I can't tell if I am just making excuses for everything or if I am just not meant to have a full life.

For example:

• I would love to take all kinds of pictures of everyone and everything. I can't because I can't afford a nice camera. I am not very creative and can't take pictures well. I don't have the money to buy a photo editing software, not to mention I don't have the first clue how to use it.
• I wish I could cook better. I admire so many people for their creative cooking skills. It's so hard to cook for just two people without out having a million left overs and a lot of times I am actually cooking for just one because Travis works nights. I can't afford all the gizmos and gadgets that go along with cooking or the ingredients for the food.
• I would love to be thinner. Over the last 5 years I have gained a horrible amount a weight. I have all these ideas, but I never follow through with them. Back to the cooking, it's hard to cook healthy and eat better. I lack a massive amount of motivation. By the time I get off work I just want to relax. I don't want to go to the gym. I sit on my butt all day long in my office.
• Have a really awesome blog. Full of pictures and exciting things to say. I just don't know how.

Those are only a few. I could go on, but I think you get the point. So now that I think about it. I need help...

Does anyone have any motivating ideas? I will take anything you through at me!