What does "Best Friend" really mean?

Fair warning.... this is a really long post just about my bitching. =^)

In other news..... I have crappy friends. We some of them seem to suck more so than the others. We really, one to be specific has really upset me and it seems she has no idea that she did, which makes it like ten time worse.

This friend is getting married in July of this year. Aside from what some may think, I am extremely happy for her. I am so happy that she found someone that loves her they way she needs to loved and makes her happy. Now, where the issue comes in is how the relationship started and how fast it has moved. But at this point in time I have accepted this.

What makes her a crappy friend is the fact that we have been friends for about 18 years. Yes over those years we were constantly inseparable and we weren't the closest, but once we reconnected, you would have never known there was any time apart. Ever since she has started dating this guy, I never see her. When I do it's never just her, he is ALWAYS there. Which, whatever, I guess when you are couple you always want to be together if you can, I guess. That really isn't the point. What I am the most upset about is that me, her best friend, the one that has known her the longest, that knows all of her secrets, and almost everything about her... is not the Maid of Honor. Which again, okay whatever, it's your wedding you can chose whoever you want to be a part of it, but the least you can do is tell me. I really shouldn't have to hear it from all the other girls.

In October, I think, we went to a bridal show to get ideas for her wedding. I asked if she was having a wedding party and she said just me and another one of our friends. No specific titles were stated. So I assumed that she wasn't having a Maid of Honor. I assumed that we were both kind of filling the role. But you know what assuming does..... So, a few days before Christmas the girls got together for dinner to exchange gifts. She, of course, flaked out. While we were all talking one friend, J, mentioned that BFF had told her that B (the friend that went to the bridal show with us) was the Maid of Honor. This not only was a surprise to me, but is was to B as well. She had no idea that this is what BFF wanted. So since this dinner BFF and I have hung out a few times and she has yet to mention it. I think that makes me this most irritated is that she doesn't have the balls to tell me that I really don't mean that much to her.

Last Saturday we, BFF, B-MOH, J, and of course Hubs, had breakfast. We were suppose to go wedding dress shopping, but she decided to cancel at the last minute and just get breakfast instead. So while at breakfast, we were talking about the wedding. I, of course, have no idea what's going on because I haven't been included in the planning at all. Due to being left out completely of my best friends wedding plans, I was  a little upset. I was asked what was wrong and I really didn't want to get into it there so I said I was fine. After we left the restaurant, BFF had the guts to text me and ask if I was really okay. I responded with I've lost my best friend. Which she responded with, How? Really? You have to ask how? Hmmmmm maybe because I am not her MOH, maybe because I haven't been included in a damn thing with plans for the wedding, maybe because we NEVER talk anymore, maybe because we NEVER hang out anymore, maybe because she doesn't have the guts to be honest with me, this list could go on forever.

So now I have no idea what to do. Do I approach her and call her out or do I just let her come around? I kind of just want to say eff you have a nice life, but it's hard to just toss 18 years friendship out the window. I just don't know. This Friday the three of us (me, BFF, and B) are suppose to get dinner and "talk". I assume they are going to officially tell me that I am not MOH. I really really don't want to go. I don't want to waste anymore energy on all of this. I just want to put it behind me and move on. Ahhhhhh!!!!! I don't know............................

Thanks for reading, if you made it this far. I will keep you posted on what happens. "As the world turns, these are the days of our lives...."

2012 Is Happening Now

Well, the new year has begun and I never achieved anything I had set out to do last year. I don't consider myself a failure, it just means that I need to try harder this year. Yes, I am going to the steriotypical goals this year; live healthier (a.k.a. lose weight), get my finances in order, and maybe get some schooling in. Blah blah blah you know the rest of how all this goes. I will try and be better at keeping things updated around here too.