I have always wanted to be a teacher. I'm not entirely sure why or what I want to teach, but I still would like to do it someday.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
How I Got Where I am Today.... Part 4
So, they read the note right before I was leaving for work. It was ugly and I was glad I had to go to work just then. I didn't want to come home that night. I wanted to be anywhere other than with them in that house. But time goes on and I had to return home. When I did, it was everything I didn't want it to be. Dad didn't say a whole lot, he never does. She on the other hand really laid into me. Every night for the next week or so we were up until 3:00am or 4:00am, with her lecturing me on what a horrible, trashy, disrepectetful, ignorant, and many more person I was. She would tell me how I would never make it on my own. I didn't know how the real world worked. I would just sit there for hour on end allowing her to scream and yell and verbally abuse me.
Finally, March 12, 2006, my birthday, turned out to be a pretty good day... so I thought. We had dinner and cake and ice cream. Shari got me an awesome gift. It was a laundry basket full of stuff I would need for my new apartment. It was awesome! I really thought everything was going to be okay. After everyone left, I was cleaning up thinking, "Wow, this might be the first night I get a break." But, I thought too soon. It started again. Same lecturing, same insults, but this time my dad was in on it too. He called me a slut and tossed condoms in my lap. He couldn't believe I was moving in with a boy. Remind you, Sean and I had no relationship whatsoever other that friends. Like I said before, he was almost like a brother to me. But apparently they chose not believe that even though I had a boyfriend who they hated.
So, after a few hours of the awefulness, she switched gear. She was being nice. She offered work out a budget with me so I would be finantually secure and was offering other ideas. But not a half an instant later it was right back to where we just had been. Finally, I want to say around 3:30am or so, she told me that she didn't want me in her house when she wasn't home. When she got up for work I would have to leave when she did and when she came home I was allowed back in. Now she is often full of empty threats. I assumed this was one of them and just let it go. She finally lets me go to bed.
Now 7:30am or so rolls around and she yells downstairs that she is about ready to leave and I need to get me stuff together. So this wasn't an empty threat. So I get my work clothes and make up and start heading for the door. Keep in mind, I don't have a car. She stops me when I hit the door and begin lecturing me again. Then tells me that I don't have to leave, but I need to behave. (Empty threat really is empty!) Then it switched gears to Thomas, (my boyfriend at the time, who they really hated). She was off about what a piece he was and then went into his family. She can bash me all she wants, but when you start bashing someone I care about a lot and someone you don't even know, there are problems. I screamed back and told her she had no business talking about them, she didn't even know them. But she would let up about it, so I turned and walked out the door.
I had no idea where I was going, what was going to happen, all I knew what that I had to get out of there and never go back.
Finally, March 12, 2006, my birthday, turned out to be a pretty good day... so I thought. We had dinner and cake and ice cream. Shari got me an awesome gift. It was a laundry basket full of stuff I would need for my new apartment. It was awesome! I really thought everything was going to be okay. After everyone left, I was cleaning up thinking, "Wow, this might be the first night I get a break." But, I thought too soon. It started again. Same lecturing, same insults, but this time my dad was in on it too. He called me a slut and tossed condoms in my lap. He couldn't believe I was moving in with a boy. Remind you, Sean and I had no relationship whatsoever other that friends. Like I said before, he was almost like a brother to me. But apparently they chose not believe that even though I had a boyfriend who they hated.
So, after a few hours of the awefulness, she switched gear. She was being nice. She offered work out a budget with me so I would be finantually secure and was offering other ideas. But not a half an instant later it was right back to where we just had been. Finally, I want to say around 3:30am or so, she told me that she didn't want me in her house when she wasn't home. When she got up for work I would have to leave when she did and when she came home I was allowed back in. Now she is often full of empty threats. I assumed this was one of them and just let it go. She finally lets me go to bed.
Now 7:30am or so rolls around and she yells downstairs that she is about ready to leave and I need to get me stuff together. So this wasn't an empty threat. So I get my work clothes and make up and start heading for the door. Keep in mind, I don't have a car. She stops me when I hit the door and begin lecturing me again. Then tells me that I don't have to leave, but I need to behave. (Empty threat really is empty!) Then it switched gears to Thomas, (my boyfriend at the time, who they really hated). She was off about what a piece he was and then went into his family. She can bash me all she wants, but when you start bashing someone I care about a lot and someone you don't even know, there are problems. I screamed back and told her she had no business talking about them, she didn't even know them. But she would let up about it, so I turned and walked out the door.
I had no idea where I was going, what was going to happen, all I knew what that I had to get out of there and never go back.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
How I got where I am today... Part 3
When Mom died, life sure took a turn for the worse. I took over the roll of the mom and did my best to take care of my dad and brother. I was 13 year old, I was in 7th grade, I had no idea what I was doing or what was going to happen. I think I might have blocked a lot of this time out. I remember going back to school that Monday and pretending nothing happened. I didn't know how to act. I didn't tell anyone what happened. I didn't know how to bring it up. It's not like you can just say, "Hey so, my mom died. Did you study for your history test?" I did the only think I knew how to do, I acted normal. I acted like I did the week before.
My dad pulled me out early on Monday to make arrangements for the funeral. When he was waiting for me to meet him in the office, he informed my school counselor what had happened. My counselor then told all of my teachers and then everyone started finding out. School kind of was weird for a while. Strangers would come up and tell me they were sorry for my loss and blah blah blah. I really didn't know how to react. So I was polite and thanked them. As time when on life seemed to be getting back in to a groove. I remember laughing with my friends and thinking.... Should I be laughing? I am supposed to be sad. I felt kind of guilty. But soon I realized that my mom wouldn't want me to be this way. She would want me to make the most of my life and do everything I can to have the best life possible.
This is where life changed again.... many ups and downs, goods and bads.
The Summer on 1999, happened in a blur. There is much bad that happened throughout the next 7 years that I would like to skip over it for now. I imagine I will go back to it someday, because it has a lot to do with who I am today. Let's just say for the most part my life was hell. Now don't get me wrong, not everything was horrible. I would say a good 90% was.
I will give you a quick briefing of those 7 years. Neighbor lady, Cheryl (who had a daughter, Shari, that I was friends with), came down, as she puts it, check on my brother and I. She live across the street and up 2 houses. Her and my dad started talking and became friends. Long story short, 9 months later that's January1, 2000 Dad married Cheryl. I was heartbroken. I know the only reason he did it was because he couldn't be alone. She refused to live in our house because she thought it would be weird for us to see all her stuff where my mom's stuff used to be. So we began to pack up out things and move them up the street. Her house has 3 bedrooms, she had one, Shari had one and the other was empty. There was a debate over who would get the spare bedroom and who would have a makeshift room out of the living room. I said I should get the room because Richard was almost 18 and would be moving out soon, but they disagreed. I got the makeshift room with a Styrofoam wall and he got the bedroom. Life went from going and doing whatever we wanted to hardcore rules. Richard didn't have the easiest time with that, so shortly after we moved in, his stuff was put in garbage bags and put on the front lawn. He moved in with my Grandma Miller (Mom's mom). A normal person would have me move into the bedroom and turn the makeshift room back into a living, but not in this house. That bedroom was turned into the spare room a.k.a. Dad's room. Yup they didn't always sleep in the same room. So, those next years, I lived in a really tiny room, rarely got to talk or see my brother or my Mom's side of the family.
So, finally bringing me to the begining of March 2006. My friend Sean, who I worked with at Marie Callendar's, decided to find an apartment together. No, we were not a couple, we were no more than friends. We found a cozy 2 bedroom apartment we could afford and we set at date for move in. I was terrified to tell my parents. I had no idea how to it, they were scary people. So I wrote them a note. I express best with text. Well, needless to say, I was right, they didn't take it well.
Stay tuned! Part 4 next
(Wonder how many parts this is gonna make. LOL!)
My dad pulled me out early on Monday to make arrangements for the funeral. When he was waiting for me to meet him in the office, he informed my school counselor what had happened. My counselor then told all of my teachers and then everyone started finding out. School kind of was weird for a while. Strangers would come up and tell me they were sorry for my loss and blah blah blah. I really didn't know how to react. So I was polite and thanked them. As time when on life seemed to be getting back in to a groove. I remember laughing with my friends and thinking.... Should I be laughing? I am supposed to be sad. I felt kind of guilty. But soon I realized that my mom wouldn't want me to be this way. She would want me to make the most of my life and do everything I can to have the best life possible.
This is where life changed again.... many ups and downs, goods and bads.
The Summer on 1999, happened in a blur. There is much bad that happened throughout the next 7 years that I would like to skip over it for now. I imagine I will go back to it someday, because it has a lot to do with who I am today. Let's just say for the most part my life was hell. Now don't get me wrong, not everything was horrible. I would say a good 90% was.
I will give you a quick briefing of those 7 years. Neighbor lady, Cheryl (who had a daughter, Shari, that I was friends with), came down, as she puts it, check on my brother and I. She live across the street and up 2 houses. Her and my dad started talking and became friends. Long story short, 9 months later that's January1, 2000 Dad married Cheryl. I was heartbroken. I know the only reason he did it was because he couldn't be alone. She refused to live in our house because she thought it would be weird for us to see all her stuff where my mom's stuff used to be. So we began to pack up out things and move them up the street. Her house has 3 bedrooms, she had one, Shari had one and the other was empty. There was a debate over who would get the spare bedroom and who would have a makeshift room out of the living room. I said I should get the room because Richard was almost 18 and would be moving out soon, but they disagreed. I got the makeshift room with a Styrofoam wall and he got the bedroom. Life went from going and doing whatever we wanted to hardcore rules. Richard didn't have the easiest time with that, so shortly after we moved in, his stuff was put in garbage bags and put on the front lawn. He moved in with my Grandma Miller (Mom's mom). A normal person would have me move into the bedroom and turn the makeshift room back into a living, but not in this house. That bedroom was turned into the spare room a.k.a. Dad's room. Yup they didn't always sleep in the same room. So, those next years, I lived in a really tiny room, rarely got to talk or see my brother or my Mom's side of the family.
So, finally bringing me to the begining of March 2006. My friend Sean, who I worked with at Marie Callendar's, decided to find an apartment together. No, we were not a couple, we were no more than friends. We found a cozy 2 bedroom apartment we could afford and we set at date for move in. I was terrified to tell my parents. I had no idea how to it, they were scary people. So I wrote them a note. I express best with text. Well, needless to say, I was right, they didn't take it well.
Stay tuned! Part 4 next
(Wonder how many parts this is gonna make. LOL!)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)