I know there is a lot I rushed through and didn't go into a whole lot of detail about. The main reason for that is that I have a feeling I am boring you all and you would rather eat broken glass than read more, but if you have an interest in a certain part, questions, and/or comments about anything, don't hesitate to ask. I am an open book or rather an open blog. =^)
So, we are now in mid-January 2008. One of my dear best friends, Bonnie, were hanging out one night. I had taken her home and we were sitting in my car talking. We were talking about girl stuff and whatever else. She mentions that she was talking to an old friend of ours Travis.
Here's the story with Travis:
Summer between 7th and 8th grade (1999). My best friend at the time, Jenn, was "going out" with this guy Travis who was 2 years older than her. He came over and hung out with a few times and then they broke up. For some reason he kept in touch with me. We would talk on the phone all the time and the for whatever reason he decided he like me and "asked me out". You as much as two Jr. High kids can "go out". In all honesty I really didn't like him. He was super skinny and kinda goofy looking, but it was exciting because he was older. So, we would talk on and off on the phone. He rode is bike down to my house one day. Which is kind of a hefty ride. He brought his friend Derek over too. So we just kinda hung out and talked, Shari was there with us. Then when they were about to leave, he pushed Shari and Derek outside and closed the door, pushed me against it and gave me a nice romantic kiss. It was in fact my FIRST kiss. And is was pretty awesome for a first kiss.
So, after that we didn't ever see each other, due to being so young and not having cars. We would talk on the phone every now and again, but eventually we just drifted apart and pretty much called is quites. But over the next few years we would talk on the phone occasionally and we would run into one another randomly. It was kind of strange how we always ended up popping into one another's life one way or another.
Few years later, I would guess my Junior year of High School, Travis and I were talking. He was single and was asking if I had any single friends he might be interested in. (At the time I was seeing Richard. Which reminds me, I don't know know why I skipped over him. He played a big part in my life too. I guess it was because he was in the middle of the drama at home. Sorry Richard!) Anyway, the only person I could think of was my best friend Bonnie. So I hooked them up and they dated for quite some time. I am not sure what happened between them or why it ended but as you can see it did.
So that pretty much brings us back to where I started. Bonnie was telling me that she had been talking to Travis not to long ago. I, being single at the time, asked is he was single and that she should give him my number. She said she would, and that's how we started.... again.
It's really kind of strange how someone can pop in and out of your life for so long.
Friday, November 26, 2010
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
How I Got Where I am Today.... Part 8
Wow... That has taken a lot longer than I expected it too. Sorry for all of those of you that I have bored. Hopefully I can get to the present and not go on and on about the past. I don't know what made me want to tell you about my life. I guess I just wanted it to get out there and for kind of a journal. I am sorry there aren't any pictures. I promise future posts will include pictures. Thank you all for taking the time to read my babble. Love you all. So, here goes......
At this point in my life it was June-ish 2007. I am currently single with no dates in mind. (I don't really know how to "date"), living in my very own apartment, and working as a Universal agent at the UPS Customer Service Center; a.k.a. UPS's phone center. What I was doing wasn't horrible, but it wasn't my favorite. But the end of the June my career at UPS to a turn for the awesome.
I put in for a position that I had no idea about, but an old supervisor told me I should put in for it. I did the interview and hoped for the best. A day or two later I was told I got the job! I was so excited yet terrified all in one. I would be off the phones, but then I had no idea what I would be doing. I would be in an office, with people I have no idea who they were. But as I looked back at my life I see that I never took chances, so I said "What the hell! Let's do this!" I become a Site Quality Admin on June 28, 2007.
As it turns out I LOVE my job! I have learned so much in that office. So much about computers and programs. Currently, I am still in that same position and love every day of it. What my day consists of is running a few reports about how the site's quality is doing and information the the Quality Measurement Group sends us. I also create communications and post them on our internal web site. Who knew I had a create bug? I really love my job and couldn't be happier doing what I do.
As with any job, we have changes and management moves. In the three and a half years I have been in that office I have had 4 different supervisors. The first, Todd. He was a good guy. He was my first supervisor when I started at UPS. I didn't know him very well and sadly he was only there for a couple months. Next I had Dave. I had never met him before, and my fellow co-workers didn't know much about him. I honestly don't remember a good day with him.... I did my best to see the good in him, but for some reason we just couldn't get a long. He came in a changed everything we knew on how to do our jobs. He knit picked everything and just made you feel like garbage. I know a lot of hostility came from a girl that worked in my office, Amy. She was a very strong willed person and I couldn't help follow. Sadly, I didn't love my job so much. I dreaded coming to work everyday. I was constantly in trouble for on thing or another. I felt like I had to walk on egg shells because I had no idea what I was going to do wrong next. He hated me and well, I hated him. Still to this day I know he doesn't like me. Which makes sad because I look back on a lot of things now and think I shouldn't have been such a stubborn brat. Something he did had meaning, but I was too much of a booger to allow him to be right. (Yes, I am using a lot nicer words that deserved).
I had to put up with him for about two and half years. On the bright side, there was some light in the dark world......
We are getting closer to the present! Are you excited?
At this point in my life it was June-ish 2007. I am currently single with no dates in mind. (I don't really know how to "date"), living in my very own apartment, and working as a Universal agent at the UPS Customer Service Center; a.k.a. UPS's phone center. What I was doing wasn't horrible, but it wasn't my favorite. But the end of the June my career at UPS to a turn for the awesome.
I put in for a position that I had no idea about, but an old supervisor told me I should put in for it. I did the interview and hoped for the best. A day or two later I was told I got the job! I was so excited yet terrified all in one. I would be off the phones, but then I had no idea what I would be doing. I would be in an office, with people I have no idea who they were. But as I looked back at my life I see that I never took chances, so I said "What the hell! Let's do this!" I become a Site Quality Admin on June 28, 2007.
As it turns out I LOVE my job! I have learned so much in that office. So much about computers and programs. Currently, I am still in that same position and love every day of it. What my day consists of is running a few reports about how the site's quality is doing and information the the Quality Measurement Group sends us. I also create communications and post them on our internal web site. Who knew I had a create bug? I really love my job and couldn't be happier doing what I do.
As with any job, we have changes and management moves. In the three and a half years I have been in that office I have had 4 different supervisors. The first, Todd. He was a good guy. He was my first supervisor when I started at UPS. I didn't know him very well and sadly he was only there for a couple months. Next I had Dave. I had never met him before, and my fellow co-workers didn't know much about him. I honestly don't remember a good day with him.... I did my best to see the good in him, but for some reason we just couldn't get a long. He came in a changed everything we knew on how to do our jobs. He knit picked everything and just made you feel like garbage. I know a lot of hostility came from a girl that worked in my office, Amy. She was a very strong willed person and I couldn't help follow. Sadly, I didn't love my job so much. I dreaded coming to work everyday. I was constantly in trouble for on thing or another. I felt like I had to walk on egg shells because I had no idea what I was going to do wrong next. He hated me and well, I hated him. Still to this day I know he doesn't like me. Which makes sad because I look back on a lot of things now and think I shouldn't have been such a stubborn brat. Something he did had meaning, but I was too much of a booger to allow him to be right. (Yes, I am using a lot nicer words that deserved).
I had to put up with him for about two and half years. On the bright side, there was some light in the dark world......
We are getting closer to the present! Are you excited?
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
How I Got Where I am Today.... Part 7
I am going to off on a tangent here about Mike because he has had a major impact on my life. I truly and completely loved that man. Everything about him was perfect. He knew just what I wanted to hear, he did everything I could ever hope for. He was in fact the man of my dreams with just a couple of flaws. He smoked, which I absolutely HATED. It's nasty. And the whole being married thing. They were in fact separated and working towards a divorce.
It's really hard to explain the true feelings I had for this man. He was my everything, everything I ever dreamed about. We would talk and talk for hours and hours about anything and everything. He was an excellent listener as well as an advice giver. He could cook like you couldn't believe. So yummy!!! He opened my eyes to some amazing music that I love so much. I still listen to everything to this day. He was a romantic, I think that was my favorite part. He took my on a scavenger hunt around the whole city. Just about everywhere we had a memorable moment together we put one of those little heart valentine's chocolate boxes. For my 21st birthday he kidnapped and drove me to Wendover. I had no idea where we were going. I am such a sucker for romance. He was so smart and funny and just plain out amazing. But, as we all know. All good things have come to an end. As time went on things were all fluffy and fun. He started acting very cold and secretive.
April 2007 mine and Sean's lease was up in our apartment. Mike and I talked about moving in together, but never was sure about it. So I had to move in with my brother because I couldn't find a place in time. I lived with them for 2 months. June 1, 2007 was one of the best days of my life. To start work that day was really good, customer's weren't horrific, I had gotten my annual raise at work, which was a really really good one, I was able to get off work early, and best of all is I signed a lease to my very own apartment. It was such an amazing feeling. I felt so grown up!
By this point Mike and I weren't doing well at all. He rarely had time to see me. If he wasn't working then he was spending time with his kids. Which is totally understandable, but It would have been nice of him to make time for me too. Call me selfish. A few weeks into June, he sends me a text on his way to work asking me to come over when he gets off, we needed to talk. "We need to talk" is never ever a good sign. So of course I was freaking out all day long. To make a long story short, he did what every married man does. He went back to his wife. Well he told me he wanted to go home, back to his kids. Which is code for, "I am dumping you for my wife."
So, that was the end of that. Little while later he moved back home. We still talk once in a great while, but not often. The list of thing he taught me is a long one, but I think the biggest one is always go with your instinct. It's usually always right.
It's really hard to explain the true feelings I had for this man. He was my everything, everything I ever dreamed about. We would talk and talk for hours and hours about anything and everything. He was an excellent listener as well as an advice giver. He could cook like you couldn't believe. So yummy!!! He opened my eyes to some amazing music that I love so much. I still listen to everything to this day. He was a romantic, I think that was my favorite part. He took my on a scavenger hunt around the whole city. Just about everywhere we had a memorable moment together we put one of those little heart valentine's chocolate boxes. For my 21st birthday he kidnapped and drove me to Wendover. I had no idea where we were going. I am such a sucker for romance. He was so smart and funny and just plain out amazing. But, as we all know. All good things have come to an end. As time went on things were all fluffy and fun. He started acting very cold and secretive.
April 2007 mine and Sean's lease was up in our apartment. Mike and I talked about moving in together, but never was sure about it. So I had to move in with my brother because I couldn't find a place in time. I lived with them for 2 months. June 1, 2007 was one of the best days of my life. To start work that day was really good, customer's weren't horrific, I had gotten my annual raise at work, which was a really really good one, I was able to get off work early, and best of all is I signed a lease to my very own apartment. It was such an amazing feeling. I felt so grown up!
By this point Mike and I weren't doing well at all. He rarely had time to see me. If he wasn't working then he was spending time with his kids. Which is totally understandable, but It would have been nice of him to make time for me too. Call me selfish. A few weeks into June, he sends me a text on his way to work asking me to come over when he gets off, we needed to talk. "We need to talk" is never ever a good sign. So of course I was freaking out all day long. To make a long story short, he did what every married man does. He went back to his wife. Well he told me he wanted to go home, back to his kids. Which is code for, "I am dumping you for my wife."
So, that was the end of that. Little while later he moved back home. We still talk once in a great while, but not often. The list of thing he taught me is a long one, but I think the biggest one is always go with your instinct. It's usually always right.
How I Got Where I am Today.... Part 6
So what happens now? Well before we get into all that, I would like everyone to know that She isn't the most horrible person that ever walked the earth. She did do a lot of great things and gave me a lot of things I normally wouldn't have had. I would like to thank her for that much. I know her intentions were there, but for whatever reason she is just mean. I don't know why, all I can do is deal with it the best I can.
So, now this put us living with Sean, dating Thomas, and working at Marie Callendar's. Life was good. For the most part not to many complaints. I guess this would be where Mike came into play. Mike was a manager that was transferred to the West Valley Marie Callendar's. I don't remember exactly when it was, I want to say towards the end of the summer. Well, actually the more I think about it was before I moved out that he was transferred. I honestly don't remember. But I guess it doesn't matter a whole lot.
Mike and I clicked instantly. We could talk about anything and everything and we got a long really well. We would spend hours and hours after work sitting there talking because neither of us wanted to go home. (I was still living at my parents at the time). He was married with 2 kids. It wasn't the strongest marriage.
So as time when on, I realized I was miserable with Thomas. He cared more about is stupid computer games than he did about me. Mike's relationship with his wife was worse and worse. She finally kicked him out. He had no where to go, so Sean told him he could stay at our place until he found a place (which was about maybe two weeks later).
After several night of us staying up really late talking, listening to music and laughing, I realized I wasn't happy with Thomas. It was really really hard, but I had to do it. Now I don't want this to sound like Mike is the reason I broke up with Thomas. It was solely 100% because he would rather play his dumb games than spend time with me. It was really hard because I really did care about him and he took it really hard. I still feel bad to this day, but I know it was the right thing. I know we are a lot happier now.
So, as many of you can guess, yes, Mike and I did become a couple, but it wasn't until several weeks later. We still would spend a lot of time together doing silly things and hanging out. We still worked together, but everything was always 100% professional. We never did anything remotely close to what a dating couple would do.
One very boring Sunday afternoon at work, we were sitting there looking through the newspaper and chatting. We were looking through the classified trying to find new jobs. He came across one about a customer service rep for UPS. He told me I would be perfect for that job and I had to apply. Well the ad wanted me to fax a resume to them. I don't know where I would fax it. He told me he could fax it from our work's fax machine. It sounded so wrong, but I was really tired of Marie Callendar's (I was also working at Target at the time. That only lasted a few months because the wanted me to work 30+ hours on top of my 50+ hours at Marie's. Yeah I about died). So once we closed the store I ran home and grabbed my resume, brought it back and he faxed it that night. A day or two later, they emailed we info for an interview. As of September 28, 2010 I have been working there for 4 years. Around that same time, Mike found another job managing another restaurant also. So we both left Marie's. And a while after that is when we got together.
So, now this put us living with Sean, dating Thomas, and working at Marie Callendar's. Life was good. For the most part not to many complaints. I guess this would be where Mike came into play. Mike was a manager that was transferred to the West Valley Marie Callendar's. I don't remember exactly when it was, I want to say towards the end of the summer. Well, actually the more I think about it was before I moved out that he was transferred. I honestly don't remember. But I guess it doesn't matter a whole lot.
Mike and I clicked instantly. We could talk about anything and everything and we got a long really well. We would spend hours and hours after work sitting there talking because neither of us wanted to go home. (I was still living at my parents at the time). He was married with 2 kids. It wasn't the strongest marriage.
So as time when on, I realized I was miserable with Thomas. He cared more about is stupid computer games than he did about me. Mike's relationship with his wife was worse and worse. She finally kicked him out. He had no where to go, so Sean told him he could stay at our place until he found a place (which was about maybe two weeks later).
After several night of us staying up really late talking, listening to music and laughing, I realized I wasn't happy with Thomas. It was really really hard, but I had to do it. Now I don't want this to sound like Mike is the reason I broke up with Thomas. It was solely 100% because he would rather play his dumb games than spend time with me. It was really hard because I really did care about him and he took it really hard. I still feel bad to this day, but I know it was the right thing. I know we are a lot happier now.
So, as many of you can guess, yes, Mike and I did become a couple, but it wasn't until several weeks later. We still would spend a lot of time together doing silly things and hanging out. We still worked together, but everything was always 100% professional. We never did anything remotely close to what a dating couple would do.
One very boring Sunday afternoon at work, we were sitting there looking through the newspaper and chatting. We were looking through the classified trying to find new jobs. He came across one about a customer service rep for UPS. He told me I would be perfect for that job and I had to apply. Well the ad wanted me to fax a resume to them. I don't know where I would fax it. He told me he could fax it from our work's fax machine. It sounded so wrong, but I was really tired of Marie Callendar's (I was also working at Target at the time. That only lasted a few months because the wanted me to work 30+ hours on top of my 50+ hours at Marie's. Yeah I about died). So once we closed the store I ran home and grabbed my resume, brought it back and he faxed it that night. A day or two later, they emailed we info for an interview. As of September 28, 2010 I have been working there for 4 years. Around that same time, Mike found another job managing another restaurant also. So we both left Marie's. And a while after that is when we got together.
Saturday, October 16, 2010
How I Got Where I am Today.... Part 5
Where do you go when you have no where to go? The boyfriend's house of course. Thomas was kind enough to let me stay at his house for the next 18 days until I was able to move into my apartment. I didn't speak to my dad or Her for several days. I really had no idea what was going to happen. I had no idea if I was going to get any of my personal stuff or if I would have to start over from scratch. I expected her to keep everything because that's just the type of person she is.
While checking my email one day She had sent me something that was cute, so I decided to go out on a limb and tell her thanks for sending it. That is what opened the door to us speaking again. She asked if I needed anything and if I was okay. She blamed it all on my dad and my dad not wanting to talk to me and him being mad. (As you will find out along the way, everything is my dad's fault and decision.) She brought a few things I needed into my work. We didn't say much, but it seemed things were looking a little brighter.
Over the next little while we kind of mended things and when April 1st rolled around I was able to come get my things. We moved my whole room in life 4 hours with her right there "helping" also known as going through all my things to make sure I'm not taking her stuff. Later I found out that she actually took several things that were mine, but of course she would never admit that. And that was that. I was finally free of the Hell Home.
Side notes:
I still owed her around $700 because she helped pay for my trip to China. I gave her $1000 check a little after we started talking again. That was an adventure. First time I ever stood up to her and let me tell you it was a rush!
They also told me that I needed to pay to repair the Rodeo because it was my sister's car and I should have known I shouldn't drive it to take her to and from work because it wasn't working properly. So I got an estimate from their mechanic and gave her $2300 in cash to fix it. Needless to say to this very day it's sitting in the driveway dead.
Don't tell me that I'm not responsible. Everyone told me that I shouldn't give her a dime, but sometimes it's easier just to pay them off so you don't have to hear them bitch.
Best feeling in the world was a few weeks after I moved out I came over for a visit. She started screaming and yelling about who knows what and I turned to my dad and said well, that's my cue to leave. And I walked out without saying a word to her. It was so amazing to have that freedom.
While checking my email one day She had sent me something that was cute, so I decided to go out on a limb and tell her thanks for sending it. That is what opened the door to us speaking again. She asked if I needed anything and if I was okay. She blamed it all on my dad and my dad not wanting to talk to me and him being mad. (As you will find out along the way, everything is my dad's fault and decision.) She brought a few things I needed into my work. We didn't say much, but it seemed things were looking a little brighter.
Over the next little while we kind of mended things and when April 1st rolled around I was able to come get my things. We moved my whole room in life 4 hours with her right there "helping" also known as going through all my things to make sure I'm not taking her stuff. Later I found out that she actually took several things that were mine, but of course she would never admit that. And that was that. I was finally free of the Hell Home.
Side notes:
I still owed her around $700 because she helped pay for my trip to China. I gave her $1000 check a little after we started talking again. That was an adventure. First time I ever stood up to her and let me tell you it was a rush!
They also told me that I needed to pay to repair the Rodeo because it was my sister's car and I should have known I shouldn't drive it to take her to and from work because it wasn't working properly. So I got an estimate from their mechanic and gave her $2300 in cash to fix it. Needless to say to this very day it's sitting in the driveway dead.
Don't tell me that I'm not responsible. Everyone told me that I shouldn't give her a dime, but sometimes it's easier just to pay them off so you don't have to hear them bitch.
Best feeling in the world was a few weeks after I moved out I came over for a visit. She started screaming and yelling about who knows what and I turned to my dad and said well, that's my cue to leave. And I walked out without saying a word to her. It was so amazing to have that freedom.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?
I have always wanted to be a teacher. I'm not entirely sure why or what I want to teach, but I still would like to do it someday.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
How I Got Where I am Today.... Part 4
So, they read the note right before I was leaving for work. It was ugly and I was glad I had to go to work just then. I didn't want to come home that night. I wanted to be anywhere other than with them in that house. But time goes on and I had to return home. When I did, it was everything I didn't want it to be. Dad didn't say a whole lot, he never does. She on the other hand really laid into me. Every night for the next week or so we were up until 3:00am or 4:00am, with her lecturing me on what a horrible, trashy, disrepectetful, ignorant, and many more person I was. She would tell me how I would never make it on my own. I didn't know how the real world worked. I would just sit there for hour on end allowing her to scream and yell and verbally abuse me.
Finally, March 12, 2006, my birthday, turned out to be a pretty good day... so I thought. We had dinner and cake and ice cream. Shari got me an awesome gift. It was a laundry basket full of stuff I would need for my new apartment. It was awesome! I really thought everything was going to be okay. After everyone left, I was cleaning up thinking, "Wow, this might be the first night I get a break." But, I thought too soon. It started again. Same lecturing, same insults, but this time my dad was in on it too. He called me a slut and tossed condoms in my lap. He couldn't believe I was moving in with a boy. Remind you, Sean and I had no relationship whatsoever other that friends. Like I said before, he was almost like a brother to me. But apparently they chose not believe that even though I had a boyfriend who they hated.
So, after a few hours of the awefulness, she switched gear. She was being nice. She offered work out a budget with me so I would be finantually secure and was offering other ideas. But not a half an instant later it was right back to where we just had been. Finally, I want to say around 3:30am or so, she told me that she didn't want me in her house when she wasn't home. When she got up for work I would have to leave when she did and when she came home I was allowed back in. Now she is often full of empty threats. I assumed this was one of them and just let it go. She finally lets me go to bed.
Now 7:30am or so rolls around and she yells downstairs that she is about ready to leave and I need to get me stuff together. So this wasn't an empty threat. So I get my work clothes and make up and start heading for the door. Keep in mind, I don't have a car. She stops me when I hit the door and begin lecturing me again. Then tells me that I don't have to leave, but I need to behave. (Empty threat really is empty!) Then it switched gears to Thomas, (my boyfriend at the time, who they really hated). She was off about what a piece he was and then went into his family. She can bash me all she wants, but when you start bashing someone I care about a lot and someone you don't even know, there are problems. I screamed back and told her she had no business talking about them, she didn't even know them. But she would let up about it, so I turned and walked out the door.
I had no idea where I was going, what was going to happen, all I knew what that I had to get out of there and never go back.
Finally, March 12, 2006, my birthday, turned out to be a pretty good day... so I thought. We had dinner and cake and ice cream. Shari got me an awesome gift. It was a laundry basket full of stuff I would need for my new apartment. It was awesome! I really thought everything was going to be okay. After everyone left, I was cleaning up thinking, "Wow, this might be the first night I get a break." But, I thought too soon. It started again. Same lecturing, same insults, but this time my dad was in on it too. He called me a slut and tossed condoms in my lap. He couldn't believe I was moving in with a boy. Remind you, Sean and I had no relationship whatsoever other that friends. Like I said before, he was almost like a brother to me. But apparently they chose not believe that even though I had a boyfriend who they hated.
So, after a few hours of the awefulness, she switched gear. She was being nice. She offered work out a budget with me so I would be finantually secure and was offering other ideas. But not a half an instant later it was right back to where we just had been. Finally, I want to say around 3:30am or so, she told me that she didn't want me in her house when she wasn't home. When she got up for work I would have to leave when she did and when she came home I was allowed back in. Now she is often full of empty threats. I assumed this was one of them and just let it go. She finally lets me go to bed.
Now 7:30am or so rolls around and she yells downstairs that she is about ready to leave and I need to get me stuff together. So this wasn't an empty threat. So I get my work clothes and make up and start heading for the door. Keep in mind, I don't have a car. She stops me when I hit the door and begin lecturing me again. Then tells me that I don't have to leave, but I need to behave. (Empty threat really is empty!) Then it switched gears to Thomas, (my boyfriend at the time, who they really hated). She was off about what a piece he was and then went into his family. She can bash me all she wants, but when you start bashing someone I care about a lot and someone you don't even know, there are problems. I screamed back and told her she had no business talking about them, she didn't even know them. But she would let up about it, so I turned and walked out the door.
I had no idea where I was going, what was going to happen, all I knew what that I had to get out of there and never go back.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
How I got where I am today... Part 3
When Mom died, life sure took a turn for the worse. I took over the roll of the mom and did my best to take care of my dad and brother. I was 13 year old, I was in 7th grade, I had no idea what I was doing or what was going to happen. I think I might have blocked a lot of this time out. I remember going back to school that Monday and pretending nothing happened. I didn't know how to act. I didn't tell anyone what happened. I didn't know how to bring it up. It's not like you can just say, "Hey so, my mom died. Did you study for your history test?" I did the only think I knew how to do, I acted normal. I acted like I did the week before.
My dad pulled me out early on Monday to make arrangements for the funeral. When he was waiting for me to meet him in the office, he informed my school counselor what had happened. My counselor then told all of my teachers and then everyone started finding out. School kind of was weird for a while. Strangers would come up and tell me they were sorry for my loss and blah blah blah. I really didn't know how to react. So I was polite and thanked them. As time when on life seemed to be getting back in to a groove. I remember laughing with my friends and thinking.... Should I be laughing? I am supposed to be sad. I felt kind of guilty. But soon I realized that my mom wouldn't want me to be this way. She would want me to make the most of my life and do everything I can to have the best life possible.
This is where life changed again.... many ups and downs, goods and bads.
The Summer on 1999, happened in a blur. There is much bad that happened throughout the next 7 years that I would like to skip over it for now. I imagine I will go back to it someday, because it has a lot to do with who I am today. Let's just say for the most part my life was hell. Now don't get me wrong, not everything was horrible. I would say a good 90% was.
I will give you a quick briefing of those 7 years. Neighbor lady, Cheryl (who had a daughter, Shari, that I was friends with), came down, as she puts it, check on my brother and I. She live across the street and up 2 houses. Her and my dad started talking and became friends. Long story short, 9 months later that's January1, 2000 Dad married Cheryl. I was heartbroken. I know the only reason he did it was because he couldn't be alone. She refused to live in our house because she thought it would be weird for us to see all her stuff where my mom's stuff used to be. So we began to pack up out things and move them up the street. Her house has 3 bedrooms, she had one, Shari had one and the other was empty. There was a debate over who would get the spare bedroom and who would have a makeshift room out of the living room. I said I should get the room because Richard was almost 18 and would be moving out soon, but they disagreed. I got the makeshift room with a Styrofoam wall and he got the bedroom. Life went from going and doing whatever we wanted to hardcore rules. Richard didn't have the easiest time with that, so shortly after we moved in, his stuff was put in garbage bags and put on the front lawn. He moved in with my Grandma Miller (Mom's mom). A normal person would have me move into the bedroom and turn the makeshift room back into a living, but not in this house. That bedroom was turned into the spare room a.k.a. Dad's room. Yup they didn't always sleep in the same room. So, those next years, I lived in a really tiny room, rarely got to talk or see my brother or my Mom's side of the family.
So, finally bringing me to the begining of March 2006. My friend Sean, who I worked with at Marie Callendar's, decided to find an apartment together. No, we were not a couple, we were no more than friends. We found a cozy 2 bedroom apartment we could afford and we set at date for move in. I was terrified to tell my parents. I had no idea how to it, they were scary people. So I wrote them a note. I express best with text. Well, needless to say, I was right, they didn't take it well.
Stay tuned! Part 4 next
(Wonder how many parts this is gonna make. LOL!)
My dad pulled me out early on Monday to make arrangements for the funeral. When he was waiting for me to meet him in the office, he informed my school counselor what had happened. My counselor then told all of my teachers and then everyone started finding out. School kind of was weird for a while. Strangers would come up and tell me they were sorry for my loss and blah blah blah. I really didn't know how to react. So I was polite and thanked them. As time when on life seemed to be getting back in to a groove. I remember laughing with my friends and thinking.... Should I be laughing? I am supposed to be sad. I felt kind of guilty. But soon I realized that my mom wouldn't want me to be this way. She would want me to make the most of my life and do everything I can to have the best life possible.
This is where life changed again.... many ups and downs, goods and bads.
The Summer on 1999, happened in a blur. There is much bad that happened throughout the next 7 years that I would like to skip over it for now. I imagine I will go back to it someday, because it has a lot to do with who I am today. Let's just say for the most part my life was hell. Now don't get me wrong, not everything was horrible. I would say a good 90% was.
I will give you a quick briefing of those 7 years. Neighbor lady, Cheryl (who had a daughter, Shari, that I was friends with), came down, as she puts it, check on my brother and I. She live across the street and up 2 houses. Her and my dad started talking and became friends. Long story short, 9 months later that's January1, 2000 Dad married Cheryl. I was heartbroken. I know the only reason he did it was because he couldn't be alone. She refused to live in our house because she thought it would be weird for us to see all her stuff where my mom's stuff used to be. So we began to pack up out things and move them up the street. Her house has 3 bedrooms, she had one, Shari had one and the other was empty. There was a debate over who would get the spare bedroom and who would have a makeshift room out of the living room. I said I should get the room because Richard was almost 18 and would be moving out soon, but they disagreed. I got the makeshift room with a Styrofoam wall and he got the bedroom. Life went from going and doing whatever we wanted to hardcore rules. Richard didn't have the easiest time with that, so shortly after we moved in, his stuff was put in garbage bags and put on the front lawn. He moved in with my Grandma Miller (Mom's mom). A normal person would have me move into the bedroom and turn the makeshift room back into a living, but not in this house. That bedroom was turned into the spare room a.k.a. Dad's room. Yup they didn't always sleep in the same room. So, those next years, I lived in a really tiny room, rarely got to talk or see my brother or my Mom's side of the family.
So, finally bringing me to the begining of March 2006. My friend Sean, who I worked with at Marie Callendar's, decided to find an apartment together. No, we were not a couple, we were no more than friends. We found a cozy 2 bedroom apartment we could afford and we set at date for move in. I was terrified to tell my parents. I had no idea how to it, they were scary people. So I wrote them a note. I express best with text. Well, needless to say, I was right, they didn't take it well.
Stay tuned! Part 4 next
(Wonder how many parts this is gonna make. LOL!)
Friday, August 6, 2010
How I got where I am today... Part 2 - Quick story of my mom
Here is Part 2...Quick story of my mom:
My mom was my best friend. She was such an amazing person. She always knew the right things to say and how to make me laugh and feel better no matter the situation. She had an alcohol problem. She drank... a lot. I was still rather young and really didn't understand everything.Almost every Christmas she would drink herself sick because she couldn't handle the stress. My dad had to take to the emergency room just about every year. I don't understand it, nor do I think I ever will. Needless to say all of her drinking caught up to her. She developed a cist on her pancrese. Doctors drained it. She developed Diabetes. I was her little nurse. I was constantly taking care of her. She was my mommy and I had to help her because I needed her. About a year later the cist came back. (Now, I don't know how true this information is, but this is what I remeber what happened. Honetstly, I have no idea really. I don't have too many people willing to talk about it that really knows what happened. So here is my version.) The doctors decided to go in and remove it rather than drain it. From my understanding, the surgery went just fine, it was in recovery where it got rough. She had the surgery on Monday. While in recovery, she was having trouble breathing and they had to put her on oxygen, she developed pnenouma. Thurday night we went up there to see her. I really hat myself for this, but I spend the entire evening sitting on the empty bed in her room watching TV. I thought it was so awesome because they had cable. We left, I gave her a hug and a kiss and told her I loved her and we went home. Friday, I went to school like normal. I remember standing in line for lunch and from some reason had a random thought and asked myself, "What would life be like if Mom wasn't around?" Then I thought well that's a stupid question, why am I thinking that. So I went about my day and when I got home, I walked in the house and somethin didn't feel right. I checked the messages and there were a few from my aunt Lori and a few from my uncle Stanton asking us to call the hospital when we got home. My brother was still at school, I got earlier on Fridays. I got a hold of my aunt, she told me she was coming to get me. She picked my up and we picked my brother up from the High School and headed to the hospital. The whole time there was something erie about everthing, but no one was really saying anything. We got into the elevator and went up, the doors opened, my dad was standing there. We started walking down the hall. My dad was telling us what had happened that day with Mom. "She was struggling to breathe, they tried to everyhing they could to help her. I told her it wasn't in her cards today to leave. But it wasn't enough. She didn't make it." I crumpled to the floor sobbing. My mommy had died on Friday, May 7, 1999 around 12:30pm. From that very moment on, my life would never ever be remotely close to the same.
Part 3 coming up.
My mom was my best friend. She was such an amazing person. She always knew the right things to say and how to make me laugh and feel better no matter the situation. She had an alcohol problem. She drank... a lot. I was still rather young and really didn't understand everything.Almost every Christmas she would drink herself sick because she couldn't handle the stress. My dad had to take to the emergency room just about every year. I don't understand it, nor do I think I ever will. Needless to say all of her drinking caught up to her. She developed a cist on her pancrese. Doctors drained it. She developed Diabetes. I was her little nurse. I was constantly taking care of her. She was my mommy and I had to help her because I needed her. About a year later the cist came back. (Now, I don't know how true this information is, but this is what I remeber what happened. Honetstly, I have no idea really. I don't have too many people willing to talk about it that really knows what happened. So here is my version.) The doctors decided to go in and remove it rather than drain it. From my understanding, the surgery went just fine, it was in recovery where it got rough. She had the surgery on Monday. While in recovery, she was having trouble breathing and they had to put her on oxygen, she developed pnenouma. Thurday night we went up there to see her. I really hat myself for this, but I spend the entire evening sitting on the empty bed in her room watching TV. I thought it was so awesome because they had cable. We left, I gave her a hug and a kiss and told her I loved her and we went home. Friday, I went to school like normal. I remember standing in line for lunch and from some reason had a random thought and asked myself, "What would life be like if Mom wasn't around?" Then I thought well that's a stupid question, why am I thinking that. So I went about my day and when I got home, I walked in the house and somethin didn't feel right. I checked the messages and there were a few from my aunt Lori and a few from my uncle Stanton asking us to call the hospital when we got home. My brother was still at school, I got earlier on Fridays. I got a hold of my aunt, she told me she was coming to get me. She picked my up and we picked my brother up from the High School and headed to the hospital. The whole time there was something erie about everthing, but no one was really saying anything. We got into the elevator and went up, the doors opened, my dad was standing there. We started walking down the hall. My dad was telling us what had happened that day with Mom. "She was struggling to breathe, they tried to everyhing they could to help her. I told her it wasn't in her cards today to leave. But it wasn't enough. She didn't make it." I crumpled to the floor sobbing. My mommy had died on Friday, May 7, 1999 around 12:30pm. From that very moment on, my life would never ever be remotely close to the same.
How I got where I am today... Part 1
For those of you that may or may not know me too well, I figure I would briefly tell you how I have seen my life thus far. Be warned, it will be very long. Some area will be detailed more than other, but I will do my best.
I was born on Wednesday, March 12, 1986 in the Sweet Water County Hospital in Rock Springs Wyoming. My parents are Keith and Selena and my brother is Richard. As one can assume I don't remember anything about this time, but from what I can see from pictures, I was a pretty happy and awesome baby. When I was around 2 or so we moved from Wyoming to California. I don't remember exactly where, but it was cozy. I remember have all kinds of trees and eating fresh avocado. About a year later we moved to Utah.
What I remember about moving is my aunt Claudine and Grandma Miller coming to pick up my brother and I and take us back to Utah while my parents packed up and moved. I remember my parents sending us a letter and picture while they were moving. I also remember sitting my grandparent's living room with the whole family (aunts, uncles, grandparents, and minus my parents), and everyone was upset. My uncle Stanton kept yelling, "That's not fair!" To this day I have no idea what exactly everyone was upset about. Later in my life I found out the reason my brother and I went to stay with my grandparent was because my mom was checked into a rehab center for her alcohol abuse. Still haven't been able to find out the real story or all the details. I hope I am able to someday.
So once my parents got everything packed up, they joined us in Utah. We lived at my grandparent's house for a few months. We then moved to a place called Wendell Circle. I have no idea what city it's in, I only remember that. I remember my brother and I shared a room and it was a tiny house. My brother got hit in the face with an aluminum baseball at there. I remember my mom freaking out and driving around trying to decide if we should go to the doctors or not. I don't remember if we ever did. He's totally fine now.
After the circle, we moved into a duplex in Midvale on Ivy Drive. This place was all around bad. Good memories were made, but a lot of bad things happened here. (I could go into a lot and I mean A LOT of detail here, but I might save that for another day.)
At this point I am around 7 years old I believe. My dad starts to build us a house in West Valley City. He literally built the majority of that house. I don't remember how long it took, but the family helped the best we could. I painted the kitchen walls! I remeber it was finshed around Christmas time. My dad put a small Christmas Tree on the swap cooler box and the house was our Christmas present. (I am pretty sure we got other thing too.) We moved into the house in January of 1994. I started 2nd grade at Hillside Elementary just after Winter break ended. Life in this house wasn't divine. We have issues, we had trials, we had struggles, but one thing there was a TON of was Love. We were a very close family. We had dinner together every night, we talked about each other's days, we worked on homework. It was everything I had ever hoped it would be.
Stay tuned for Part 2
I was born on Wednesday, March 12, 1986 in the Sweet Water County Hospital in Rock Springs Wyoming. My parents are Keith and Selena and my brother is Richard. As one can assume I don't remember anything about this time, but from what I can see from pictures, I was a pretty happy and awesome baby. When I was around 2 or so we moved from Wyoming to California. I don't remember exactly where, but it was cozy. I remember have all kinds of trees and eating fresh avocado. About a year later we moved to Utah.
What I remember about moving is my aunt Claudine and Grandma Miller coming to pick up my brother and I and take us back to Utah while my parents packed up and moved. I remember my parents sending us a letter and picture while they were moving. I also remember sitting my grandparent's living room with the whole family (aunts, uncles, grandparents, and minus my parents), and everyone was upset. My uncle Stanton kept yelling, "That's not fair!" To this day I have no idea what exactly everyone was upset about. Later in my life I found out the reason my brother and I went to stay with my grandparent was because my mom was checked into a rehab center for her alcohol abuse. Still haven't been able to find out the real story or all the details. I hope I am able to someday.
So once my parents got everything packed up, they joined us in Utah. We lived at my grandparent's house for a few months. We then moved to a place called Wendell Circle. I have no idea what city it's in, I only remember that. I remember my brother and I shared a room and it was a tiny house. My brother got hit in the face with an aluminum baseball at there. I remember my mom freaking out and driving around trying to decide if we should go to the doctors or not. I don't remember if we ever did. He's totally fine now.
After the circle, we moved into a duplex in Midvale on Ivy Drive. This place was all around bad. Good memories were made, but a lot of bad things happened here. (I could go into a lot and I mean A LOT of detail here, but I might save that for another day.)
At this point I am around 7 years old I believe. My dad starts to build us a house in West Valley City. He literally built the majority of that house. I don't remember how long it took, but the family helped the best we could. I painted the kitchen walls! I remeber it was finshed around Christmas time. My dad put a small Christmas Tree on the swap cooler box and the house was our Christmas present. (I am pretty sure we got other thing too.) We moved into the house in January of 1994. I started 2nd grade at Hillside Elementary just after Winter break ended. Life in this house wasn't divine. We have issues, we had trials, we had struggles, but one thing there was a TON of was Love. We were a very close family. We had dinner together every night, we talked about each other's days, we worked on homework. It was everything I had ever hoped it would be.
Stay tuned for Part 2
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Would you rather be really hot or really cold?
I totally vote for cold. You can always put more on, but you can only take so much off.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
This Is Where I Belong
At this very moment in time I am feeling really lost. I don't know who I am suppose to be, what I am suppose to be doing and I sure as hell don't know what tomorrow will bring. I do know that for the most part I am happy. I am grateful to have a roof over my head, food to eat, a job, clothes on my back and all the other things we all take for grante.
Am I suppose to where I am right now? Yes. Fate, destiny or whatever you call it has brought me here and will continue me on my journey. I was told yesterday that I was the best thing that could have happened to Travis and Valory. And that I can't go anywhere. That was the more rewarding statement I have ever heard. That's all I have ever wanted to do with my life is to make a difference in someone else's.
Being a "Step-Mom" certainly isn't the easyest job in the world. But in my heart I know I am doing what I should. There are so many days that I would love to just run away and tell Travis to figure it out himself, but I know in my heart I can't. That little girl needs me and in a way I need her. She entered my life for a reason, just like everyone does.
I am happy.
Am I suppose to where I am right now? Yes. Fate, destiny or whatever you call it has brought me here and will continue me on my journey. I was told yesterday that I was the best thing that could have happened to Travis and Valory. And that I can't go anywhere. That was the more rewarding statement I have ever heard. That's all I have ever wanted to do with my life is to make a difference in someone else's.
Being a "Step-Mom" certainly isn't the easyest job in the world. But in my heart I know I am doing what I should. There are so many days that I would love to just run away and tell Travis to figure it out himself, but I know in my heart I can't. That little girl needs me and in a way I need her. She entered my life for a reason, just like everyone does.
I am happy.
Monday, July 12, 2010
Do you believe there's intelligent life on other planets?
I believe there has to other life out there. There is no telling how far space goes. There is no reason there isn'. So yes I do.
What do you want or hope for most this coming month?
In the month of July...... I would like to spend some real quality time with my honey. I would like to devote some time to the following, blogging, working out, cleaning more, and budgeting better.
Monday, June 7, 2010
If you could go back to any moment in your personal history and change something where, when and why?
The first thing that came to mind it the last time I saw my mom alive, May 6, 1999. We were at the hospital visiting her and I was so excited that they had cable. So the entire evening I sat in the empty bed in her room watching tv. I should have been talking to her, spending time with her, cuddling her, and tell her how much I love her, but I didn't. I watched stupid cable.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Who I should be with....
Life is ceratinly an adventure. There are so many ups and downs, so many challenges, rewards, and just straight up garbage.
I don't know where I stand today, nor do I know where I will stand tomorrow. What I do know is that I am going to make the most of what I have and continue to strive for more.
My dad and I got into a horrible fight a few weeks ago. It started with what a peice of crap Travis was for me and how he can't believe I am wasting my time. Later I found out that really what he wants is someone that can take care of me. Someone that will give me the best in everything. He doesn't know if Travis is that person, but he wants me to think before rushing into anything. I know Travis won't be someone that will be rich and be able to take care of me and I will never have to work again. I don't want that person. Yes I would like to finiancially stable and not have to stress how this bill or that bill will get paid. I don't think it should be his job to do that. I think we should be able to do it together. Work as a team. I thought that's what relationships and marriages were all about it working as a team? I know in the long run my dad just wants me to be happy, I am his baby and he wants to make sure I have the very best of everything. I appreciate him worry about me. But he does need to allow me to live my life the way I want to live it. I know in the long run he will, but he wanted me to know he thoughts.
Back to Travis...... I have no idea where this is going. Is that a bad thing? I mean I am extreemly happy. Yes, there are thing that I would like to see changed, but overall I am very happy. I am not 100% sure if he is the one that I am supposed to be with or the one I am suppose to marry. I have no idea. I have no idea whether I am the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with either. I do know what we only want to do this once and if that means waiting years and years to make sure that we are meant to be, then I will wait. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be sure. Whatever happens, happens for a reason.
Monday, March 29, 2010
What's your favorite drink?
It's hard to choose just one. I really enjoy water, Dr. Pepper, or Pepsi would be my top three.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
What is Gonna Happen in the New Year - 2010
Okay, so I know I am a little on the late side of the whole New Year’s thing, but better late than never.
Happy New Year Everyone!!
So, I would like to share with all of you what I would like to work on this year. I don’t want to call it my New Year’s Resolutions because we all know how those turn out. And I am not going to call them goals because those turn out the same way. I am terrible I know.
So to begin with, I would like to really try harder to blog more. I really enjoy this type of thing. It is an excellent way to express things, say what’s on your mind to no one in particular, and to let people know what is going on in my world. I will do my best to post something more than once every million years. =)
Next I am going to work on drinking more water. I do not drink nearly enough water a person should. It’s not even that I substitute with soda or something else, I just don’t drink it. I will do better! Also, I am going to try and eat out less. I need to plan better and not take the easy and convenient way out. Not only will this save me money, but it will also be healthier. Which leads into my next item, just like everyone else in the world, I would like to get into shape. Yes, round is a shape, but I’m a little too round for my comfort. We all know this isn’t going to happen, but I will in fact give it a try. At the very least I would like to be more active. Anyone willing to motivate and accompany on this journey would be greatly appreciated.
Last, but certainly not least, I need to budget money better. I was on the right track for a while, then we moved and one problem after another got me upside down again. I am going to get my poop in a group for good! I have a plan and a system that will work, I know it will. I just need time and to actually stick to it no matter what. I really believe I can do. If nothing else happens this year other than this one I will be happy.
So with all that being said, if anyone has any ideas on how to help me achieve these ideas, please feel free to share. I would greatly appreciate more than you will ever know.
That is all for now. You will be hearing from me soon, I promise!
Katrina
Happy New Year Everyone!!
So, I would like to share with all of you what I would like to work on this year. I don’t want to call it my New Year’s Resolutions because we all know how those turn out. And I am not going to call them goals because those turn out the same way. I am terrible I know.
So to begin with, I would like to really try harder to blog more. I really enjoy this type of thing. It is an excellent way to express things, say what’s on your mind to no one in particular, and to let people know what is going on in my world. I will do my best to post something more than once every million years. =)
Next I am going to work on drinking more water. I do not drink nearly enough water a person should. It’s not even that I substitute with soda or something else, I just don’t drink it. I will do better! Also, I am going to try and eat out less. I need to plan better and not take the easy and convenient way out. Not only will this save me money, but it will also be healthier. Which leads into my next item, just like everyone else in the world, I would like to get into shape. Yes, round is a shape, but I’m a little too round for my comfort. We all know this isn’t going to happen, but I will in fact give it a try. At the very least I would like to be more active. Anyone willing to motivate and accompany on this journey would be greatly appreciated.
Last, but certainly not least, I need to budget money better. I was on the right track for a while, then we moved and one problem after another got me upside down again. I am going to get my poop in a group for good! I have a plan and a system that will work, I know it will. I just need time and to actually stick to it no matter what. I really believe I can do. If nothing else happens this year other than this one I will be happy.
So with all that being said, if anyone has any ideas on how to help me achieve these ideas, please feel free to share. I would greatly appreciate more than you will ever know.
That is all for now. You will be hearing from me soon, I promise!
Katrina
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